Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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