Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I had to cum in my sink.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
