At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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