Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
