Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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