TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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