i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize