what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
