He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
