All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
