based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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