youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
