I'm going to jail i love you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
