I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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