the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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