I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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