The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
