If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
