i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
