Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
