i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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