She announced her abortion via fbk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
