I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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