I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
