Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
