I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
