There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
