another moral hangover. fuck.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
