It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
