You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
