this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
