Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
