You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
