Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
