3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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