do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
