Already got asked if we're dating
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
