You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
