I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize