Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
