Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
