So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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