Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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