cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
