Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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