I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
so much tequila, so little girl.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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