Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
