dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
