Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
