He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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