i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
