Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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