why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry about my life...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
