This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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