i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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