I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
