what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
