I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
