How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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