could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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