WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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