also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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