She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
