would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
