Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
